I have been wanting to write all these days but pondering over what to write, always started something but then I have stopped halfway. And now, when I contemplate over the decisions I have made, the things I have gone through and the tough times I have lived, life finally has started to feel worth it. For all the girls who gave the wrong person so much that you thought you are empty and have nothing to give when the right person comes along, or maybe you have left the thought of ever finding the right person, I want to write for them today:
Patience darling, a little bit of patience goes a long way. We are all 18 once, heartbroken. You thought he was everything you ever wanted in life. And when there’s no ‘he’ anymore, the intestines feel crunched, knotted as if you want to throw up when you have actually not ate anything for the last couple of days. Your mom can read your eyes, the depths of your face but the she won’t utter a word I swear, because she was 18 once and so will your daughter be. I don’t want to say don’t mourn over your feelings, but then when you are over the mourning phase, pull yourself together and wear makeup, the bold red lipstick he told you not to wear, remember? WEAR ‘EM ALL GIRL! Get going with your bomb leather skirt and your red hair. Don’t ever stop living, don’t look back in life and for the eternal goddess inside you, you will find a goddamn warrior. A warrior, who when smiles will be as cute as the little pug your father gifted you when you were 12, and at the other times, oh you know that pretty well sweetie. Let me tell you what your warrior will do for you. He will ask permission to kiss you when he has to and grabs you by your love handles and pulls you closer, with the fierce gaze into your eyes when he doesn’t have to. You guys will get drunk and sing karaoke together, because you both love singing but duh! You suck at it. He will tag you in “to the point” make-up posts or send you screenshots *makeup goalllss* just because you love them. He will remember when you had your last period and keep the count when you don’t even have any idea about when you last bled. He will ask you what you had for breakfast, lunch and dinner. He will buy you pizza every time you guys go out. He will understand that you are having mood swings that is why you ‘just’ scolded him, like for nothing. He will look into your eyes and tell you that he loves you. This will make you cry, because you did not even know that people could do such things for another people. He will support your goals and encourage you. He will love you so much that seeing him love you will make you want to love yourself. No no babe he will not heal you, he will hug you and tell you it will be okay and its okay to cry until you heal yourself. He, my girl will make you want to do things you loved, those things you once did all the time but left doing. He will hold your hand until you gather the courage to do those things again. He will tell you you are beautiful when you have not even washed your face in the morning when you least expect it but then you can’t help but believe it because those coffee brown eyes dripping with passion could have never lied could they? Oh honey, you will forget that you once had stopped singing in the shower because you guys shower together now, singing your version of karaoke. And when he will be resting in your lap and you will be looking at his eyelashes with the three lashes on his left eyes that have turned grey, his innocent face when he is sleeping like a baby, you will know it then. At that moment dear, you will know he is your warrior.
And then, I can’t promise that your life will be a bed of roses but you will always have a shoulder to cry on, you will know who to tell when you want to have a chocolate cake all of a sudden, you will always have hands to hold on to, now you know what Phoebe means when she said Ross was Rachel’s lobster. Life will be ravishing, adventurous, never as before.
He will know that you are empty but his love will fill the void, love will be brimming out of your heart and there will be space for nothing else. He may not be your knight in the shining armor but then you will realize that all the hardships in life have been worth it. And he will make you feel like you are growing as a person, each passing day and it will be because that’s the truth. He can read your eyes and you? You can read the lines of his face by then. And then, you will learn to forgive yourself for the hell you let yourself go through because know you know, that was just some little rain you went on for this beautiful rainbow you have, and then is the time you will know how amazing it feels when you are loved by the right person, raw and intense.
By: Samikshya Paudel